Kicking Breast Cancer's Butt

This is my first post.

Its the day after the MRI.  This is real.  [insert profanity here]

I love Tina so much.  I can’t imagine a better mate, friend, mother, lover.  I understand the motivation for people to shout “This is not Fair!”  Problem is waiting for fair, trying to manufacture fair destroys lives.  I am not waiting.  We are working the process.  We are working with the team a Virgina Mason in Seattle. And when they have an opening we will consult with Seattle Cancer Care Alliance just to make sure we have the best in the area from both places offering input.. VM has great ratings and I thank the Lord we still have the options for care where Friday your wife is diagnosed with cancer, Monday she has an MRI and blood drawn and Wednesday we have back to back meetings with the team.

See.. I am doing it.  I manage Marketing projects for Microsoft as a contingent staffer.  I have for several years.  I like the work and I like my current team and I can’t imagine a more understanding team.  This is my second year long contract them.  And I started the first year where they had just met me and I had to take most of my first week off after we learned of Tina’s dad’s murder.  How did I manage to find such human managers?  As a said, I can calm myself by retreating into the project manager.  We do this, than this, we make the milestones and it will complete successfully.  I get my projects done.  This is a project where I can only do everything right, than we assess fate and Gods’ contribution.

Yup. I beleive in God.  I am not mad at “him”… Yet.   It may come.. I am very much into science and astronomy and string theory etc.  I see art and eligance and I see chaos in the universe and it is beautiful.  God is not some old bearded guy or even a goddess in green.  It is the life force that brought everything into place, I do think God interacts… but I also thing like a good parent we are allowed to choose to be our best in good and bad.  We are to help others, something between killing them with kindness and ignoring that we are different and all have needs. Religion is our attempt to humanize someone too different to understand.

So I am a project manager and I believe in the “Big Picture”  [Reference the movie “Creator”]

Back to Tina.. In her first post.  She wrote “I am not strong.”  Don’t believe that for a minute.  She feels deeply.  She broke into tears during the Budweiser Super Bowl ad where the Bud clydesdale rediscovers the owner who rescued it as a pony.  And she had a panic attack half way through her MRI, so a sat holding her leg for the second attempt and she flew through.  She feels, she feels for people and she feels what affects her.  But then she goes on, she is a mom and a wife and someone at work people know they can trust.  She is strong and she does it while feeling deeply.

I too have been sucking down info.  Info informs choice, choice is power.  So much info… Where is my choices?.. where is the power?  I don’t know.  I hate not knowing…

What do I know.. I want my wife with my for the next 30-40 years.  I love her oh so much because of who she is.. Wife, Lover, Mother.. Friend.

Today is my day to really start feeling.  There is nothing to manage.. Nothing to plan for.. we wait.



4 Responses to The Husband – Day 5

  • Ken
    I only know you from your posts on AF It took no convincing for me to know that you hold your family dear . I am also a man of faith and can tell you that I believe that your most valuable asset will be your faith in God . I am not a Bible thumper and usually keep my beliefs to myself . God has challenged my faith all of my life but God has also rewarded my faith in many ways .
    Many years ago our first child was still born ,, this was devastating for both of us and an incredible challenge to my faith . I could not understand why but did not loose my faith . We were rewarded 5 years later when he blessed us with the birth of my son .. He is now 22 and is the pride of our lives , just as your daughter is your’s ..
    The treatments can be brutal but be strong , do not loose faith and God will take care of all of you .

    My thoughts are with you

  • Ken,
    I too am a faithful man, I will keep You and Tina and your family in my prayers. I will pray for your strength to be the man she needs you to be…now more than ever.

    Peace be with you,
    Bob / Star Rider

  • Ken,
    I was thrilled to hear the positive news! I (and I know others) have been praying for Tina. I am not a religious person but am very spiritual, like the others that have posted. I will continue to pray for you both and for the Team so that God will direct them! You guys are awesome! I’ve heard it said that “Behind every great man is a better woman”! I guess as long as you complete each other, that is all that matters.
    Deuteronomy 31:6, II Timothy 1:7
    God bless you Tina and Ken,
    Chris / GrandPrixChris

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