Last night was TOUGH. Not only did I toss and turn for literally two hours, but it seemed like I was continually having heart palpitations. A few weeks ago, the anesthesia nurse and I talked about that, how it feels like my heart skips a beat, and I keep freaking out thinking I’m having a heart attack, always right as I’m about to drop off to sleep. She said for some people, lying down at night is the first really good dose of oxygen their heart gets. Or something like that. Ugh, I should record EVERY conversation I have, so I don’t mess up.
Anyway, last night wasn’t just one skip or two, and it didn’t feel like my heart was pounding. Maybe I just wasn’t taking a deep breath, or maybe I was having a series of panic attacks, but it felt like my heart was racing. It was as if I’d taken cough syrup with guifenesin, the expectorant. I HATE how I feel when I’ve been taking that stuff. I assume that it also raises my blood pressure, so I just don’t take it anymore.
I still feel a little twitchy today, so it’s time for some anti-anxiety. I didn’t take any last night – I guess I should have.
Today I have an appointment to get fitted for a mastectomy bra and prosthesis. The Husband said I should do it tomorrow, when my sister will be here. But I want to get it over with, and I’m worried something will go wrong, and then I’m screwed, as I will then have NO time to take care of this before the surgery. Today and tomorrow are my last chance to get things done before hand, hence the anxiety I guess.
Yesterday was the last day at work. I left so much crap on my desk and in the drawers – office supply stuff, but still, someone gets to clean that. I also noticed that I left all my binders from one of my committees, and now that same someone gets to dump all that in the shredder, and I know the someone who will get stuck with that. I’m so sorry, Debbie-Doo! I didn’t want to leave a bunch of mess for you. You’ve been so busy cleaning up everyone else’s mess, I don’t need to add to it, but I sure as hell did. Damn.