My hair continues to fall, in a consistent, all-over shed. Some of it falls down my neck, so it’s like having just had a hair cut. No matter how well my hair dresser covers me up, I still get a few snips down the back of my neck. It was making me crazy, so I broke down and wore the cotton cap I received from the Patient and Family Center at SCCA. I was planning to take it back, since I found two hats on line that were cuter, and thought I don’t need the freebee. But it has turned out to be useful. Not only does it catch the hairs from falling down my neck, it covers my head when I feel a little self conscious, such as last night after my shower. Every time I ran my hands over my hair to help rinse out the shampoo, the conditioner, my palms were full of hair. Yikes, I’m so glad Ken bought a drain trap for the tub and shower. Looked like a drowned Tribble.
The mirror was too steamy to see the damage right away, so I got dressed and cried a little about what was happening to me. Cried a lot more with Ken, trying to figure out what it means to me. Everyone says it’s just hair, it’s just a short phase, it will grow back. I know all this. Ken wants to know what I want. I say I want to live, I don’t want this to come back. Ken says my hair lost means we are doing what we have to do to kick this things butt. I know this too. But I don’t like change, especially when it is change I did not choose.
Funny thing about change, though. If I chose it or not, I’m always, ALWAYS better off for the change. That will be true this time, as well. I may not see all of the wonder right away, but I know it’s there.
Later last night, when the bathroom mirror cleared, I took a look at my hair. Definitely thinning, no real bald patches. I know that is coming, though, and we are prepared. I’m not going to be one of those patients who doesn’t lose any hair, but I’ll take it. I’m lucky. I’m halfway into this, and as long as I don’t eat too much when I do feel good, and remember to stay well hydrated and eat small meals when I don’t feel that good, stay ahead of the nausea with my anti nausea medications, I’m pretty functional. Until I overdo the activity and get tired. But getting tired is a good thing, too. I get tired when I do too much, I’m not so fatigued I can’t get out of bed.
The nausea is manageable, the fatigue is manageable, and the hair? We got that covered, too. I just gave myself the giggles there. Hair. We got that covered – in more ways than one!