So I can’t stand door-to-door sales types, like most of you. I never know what to say to get them off my porch, without feeling like a bitch for being honest when I say “I am not interested.” Whatever feeble reason I give, it’s never good enough, and I find myself in a battle of excuses and counter-attacks, until I am weary and confirmed as the wimp that I know I am.
Well, today was a little different. I’m sitting at home, worn out from traveling and chemo, trying to relax and enjoy Phillippa Gregory’s “The Lady of the Rivers”, when some poopedy-poop head starts leaning on my doorbell, and then pounding on the door, apparently because I am not moving fast enough. (It’s a long rambler, okay?) I’m not wearing a head covering, cause even though it’s only 76 degrees outside, for a woman in the middle of chemo-induced menopause, it’s a freaking heat wave. I’m ALWAYS too hot. Except when I’m too cold, when I’m also freaking irritable. The cold lasts about 37 seconds, the irritable lasts all day.
Anyway, there I am, all Amazon warrior princess, bald-headed and cranky. I get to the door, and open it to a FIOS representative with his little clipboard and badge. Shit. Not even the UPS guy with a package for me. Packages I cheer up for, and can even manage a smile. But no, it’s a FIOS salesmen. They are here about every three months, no matter if I already have FIOS or not (we don’t). For this I hate them. “Hi!” he says, way too cheerfully. “Yeah?” I say, my tone implying what the hell do you want NOW. “I’m from FIOS,” he chirps, again, way too cheerfully. I pause, taking in his badge, his clipboard, his anxious face. “I don’t want any,” I say, tersely. “Okay!” he says, apparently very happy to be released, and no argument or cajoling to keep the sale. Wow, that was easy.
Either his sales quota is in good shape, and he doesn’t really need ME, or it’s just not worth pursuing if it means he has to deal with ME, the one-breasted, bald-headed crank of Lynnwood. Either way, I’m laughing my butt off, as to me, this is the funniest thing EVER.
Bald is power. I may keep it this way.